When things go 'wrong' it's very human to want to assign blame - we think this helps us understand what happened and move forwards. And who doesn't feel better 'knowing' the cause - especially if it's someone else!
But in reality, although assigning blame helps us feel better, it also prevents us from seeing where we contributed to the situation. As long as it's someone else's fault, how can we empathise and have compassion for others? How can we prevent the problem arising again in the future? This is why drama always seems to find the same people.
Blaming and judging others leads to "The Magnifying Glass Effect". This is where we get really busy focusing on other people's shortcomings - and the more we look, the more we notice. What a fabulous way to avoid looking at ourselves!
We all know that situations are rarely just one person's fault. Even where one person is 'in the wrong' the 'wronged' person will have done something - perhaps they ignored or allowed behaviours, gave off signals that were misunderstood, or perhaps they themselves misinterpreted or over-reacted to something. It's only as we learn to take responsibility for ourselves, our lives and our feelings that drama is avoided and relationships get simpler and easier. "Pick up the Mirror, not the Magnifying Glass." How did I contribute to this situation? Where can I see that something I did or did not do made the situation worse for myself?
1. If I were to relive the situation as someone who takes FULL responsibility for my actions and feelings, what do I notice?
2. What signals could I have given to others (either explicitly or implicitly) that contributed to the situation?
3. Where could I be more forgiving and understanding?
4. What would I do differently next time?
And this isn't about blaming ourselves either - it's about taking an honest look at what actually happened and owning our part in it. Not to then blame or judge ourselves - but to learn and grow.
SOURCE: (“Stop Blaming: Pick up the Mirror, not the Magnifying Glass! | 2012) #growth #selfawareness #emotionalempowermentcoach #emotionalintelligence #emotionalhealth #lifecoaching #mirror #blame #guilt #feelings